I remember that day when..
6 months have passed since we last spoke..
The End of January marked my father’s 6 month’s turning point for when he lost his consciousness.
6 months has passed with my family experiencing waves of emotional trauma. Emotions vary between constant sadness & crying, to hoping for a miracle, to accepting reality with numbness, to gratitude for Allah’s mercy on his soul.
6 months started with utter darkness, feeling that there was no reason to live, laugh, or have fun. There was no reason to work, eat healthy or exercise. There was no reason to continue… yet we have no choice but to live.
With this darkness, I became distant, grumpy, sad, and moody. I was forced to wake up every day when all I wanted was to sleep. I was forced to go to work and smile, when I didn’t want to. I was forced to eat, when I already lost my appetite. I was forced to look nice and act as if everything was ok, when I felt the exact opposite.
The darkness invaded my life, effected my work, stopped my social life, and disrupted my marriage. The darkness overhauled every decision I made, every step I took, and every word I said. For 3 months it remained constant, a black cloud following me wherever I go, plaguing my world and the world of those around me.
As I try to move forward, trying to be positive, that cloud followed me around. As I try to be social, talking to family members who also visit my father, welcoming my friends to visit me at my home, staying focused at work… yet that cloud was still around.
As I try to recall all our efforts to help him, I couldn’t help but wonder how we might have failed him, what was it that we might have missed out on, would he have been in a better place if we did things differently?
To be cont.